This momma gig.

And here is the reason it is all worth it.

Reflections on parenthood

Here is a list I made last year in my actual journal.  These are less obvious ways having kids has drastically affected my life:

1.  My order of operations is no longer the most logical order to do things, but what will be more catastorphic if I don't get it done.  For example, I put my clothes on first, then deodorant, then lotion, because if there's a sceaming kid, clothes are more critical, even though it is easier to put on deodorant with clothes on.

2.  I have a hard time maintaining eye contact during conversations even when the kids aren't around because I'm so used to tracking kids actions while doing everything.

3.  Saturday sleeping in and sunday naps are nearly inexistant.

4.  I know all the names of construction equipment.  I always wondered when I worked on a construction site and had to log what equipment was on site, why I didn't know the names and everyone else did.  And now I know.  Because they were all little boys once.

5.  I used to love movies.  We watched lots.  Now, it's different.  I don't have much patience for them. Devoting a consecutive 2 1/2 hour block to a movie usually is just not worth it.  There's either too many things to do or I'd rather just go to sleep.

6.  I instinctly rock in a rocking chair even when I don't have a baby in my arms to sooth.

7.  I used to always have lower back pain when I would wake up in the morning anytime I slept 8 hours or more.  Now, I'm healed!  While my boys all sleep rather well, I really never am in bed for that length of time without getting up at least once.  Gotta look on the bright side, eh?

8.  I feel very strange and a little lost whenever I walk anywhere without pushing a stroller.

Oh, I git it.

Long, long ago when Dylan and I would go to movies by ourselves for no special occasion, we went to a horrible movie at the dollar theatre in Sacramento.  But it was only a dollar.  Anyway, there was this really ghetto lady sitting behind us and she was constantly talking in not a whisper to either her toddler who was wandering around her row, her friend, or on her cell phone, and at one point near the end of the movie, she says, "Oh, I git it!  So, Romeo was his brotha'."  Which as I remember correctly was something that one could have easily learned during the first five minutes of the movie.  So, whenever there is something that clicks even though I should have figured it out already, that is what I always think of.

This is a list of things that is basically the opposite of the last post.  My "Oh I git it" now that I am a mom.  And I wish I could apologize to those mommas that I turned my noses up at a long time ago (and do apologize to if you were one of them)

1.  Then: My first interactions with Dylan's brother Todd's family were when they had 4 young boys and a Holly.  And those kids were crazy.  They would run around like wild Indians and the parents would just sit there and talk calmly to us like nothing was happening.  Think Raising Arizona with the "Mind you don't cut yourself Mordecai" scene.  Now:  I am that mom.  I distinctly remember a time when Ethan and Carter were young and they were running around the kitchen screaming and banging on pots and pans, and I was so relaxed and relieved I was able to eat in peace with no kid wiggling on my lap and taking food and throwing it on the floor.

2.  Then:  We would constantly be waiting for my mom to get ready to go.  We would all be ready, sitting in the car and just waiting her.  She was always so slow.  Now:  Oh yeah.  We had to put on our shoes and walk to the car.  She had to put away all the kitchen food, change a baby's diaper, find money, keys, diapers and change of clothes, snacks for the road, lesson for young womens, and stop kids from fighting with each other before she could make it to the car.  Hmm.  Maybe I could have helped a little.

3.  Then:  When my parent in-laws lived with us for several months before Dylan and I had children, they were always at home and we always thought why don't they go DO something.  Now:  I used to have hobbies.  I have things that I am in theory interested in, but kids just suck up all your time.  There isn't really time for you.  So, I guess when you make it to the end of things, sometimes you're not really sure what to do with yourself and you just want to take a nap to make up for all those times you couldn't.

4.  Then:  Our house growing up was such a mess.  When someone was on their way over, we would scramble to push stuff under the bed or couch to make it look halfway presentable.  And the car?  Oh man, you climb in and your feet are resting on piles of trash.  Now:  I truly have no idea how to keep my house clean with three kids.  It drives me crazy because I am constantly stepping on stuff.  Pre-kid, we were very clean people.  Now, I feel like I never get to play with my kids because I am constantly cleaning up, and even so, it still is a wreck.  And my car?  Well, I'm happy when it's only trash.  I won't even mention the freak nasty stuff I've cleaned up in the car, for fear that my brother or sister are deterred from ever having children.

5.  Then:  When I was pregnant with Ethan, I asked a stay-at-home mom what on earth she did with all her time?  I just couldn't imagine not working when my kids went to school, and what you could possibly occupy all that time with.  Now:  I still often feel bad for asking that question.  Here are my stats for this week.   Number of loads of laundry I do in a week: 8.  Number of times I saved my one-year-old from a potentially fatal accident in one day: 6.  Number of stairs I climbed up in one day while carrying at least 25 pounds of kids or equivalent load: 187.   This mom gig is tough stuff!  I could give you an amazingly long list of things I would be doing if all my kids were in school, and the thought that I might have to leave them with someone else all summer long for me to work when they are on break makes me wonder why on earth I didn't grow up to be a teacher instead? 

So, I have realized now that I'm at the end of this list, I've portrayed motherhood in a rather negative light:  crazy, messy children who suck up all of your time.  This may not be really far from the truth, but there are plenty of other adjectives to add on top of those.  Motherhood is full of rewarding times as you see your kids accomplish things, and I love them so much.  I get to make fooseball games out of superheroes, draw Manga monsters, read books, and spend time outside going to the beach or on hikes and showing little guys what a rabbit or a sea shell is.  I'm an expert at managing chaos now.  The boys are constantly making me laugh and smile.  I certainly never feel like my life is without purpose, and I couldn't even imagine my life without them.